Sticking With It

Trail with fence smThe ability to stick with my good choices; to choose to do the good stuff is the outcome of years of work and healing.  The journey of emotional healing I’m on began long before I knew how broken I truly was.   My earliest memories are filled with selfish people providing the child before them lessons in selfishness.  Seldom and few were the glimpses of honest caring kindness shown during those early years.  Looking back with the maturity of a woman who has learned to love and let go I can see the Fathers love surrounding me; holding my little self safely in his care until I was ready for his healing to take place. 

Meeting and allowing the love of my husband into my life started the healing phase of my life.  It has been over 30 years since this caring man slipped under my defenses and captured my heart.  At first I felt uncomfortable; being cared for was a new experience.  I had always migrated toward the comfortable toxic relationships I understood.  This being prized, wanted and cared for felt foreign and uncomfortable.   Long story short I stayed because he was always so kind and truly wanted to be with me.  He had done nothing to deserve being hurt. So when he asked me to marry him I said “Yes”. 

As the years went by I discovered his love had filled my life like a pair of warm old slippers; always at hand and easy to wear.  He was easy to care for and at some point I began to truly love this remarkable person who had given so freely of himself. 

After spending ten years learning how to be loved and how to love in return it all fell apart.  My life as I knew it was ground to powder.  The love that had colored my world teaching me to trust and care was pulled away.  My loving husband emotionally crashed and burned.  It was only my faith in the Father’s love that allowed us to find each other again and rebuild our life together. 

The Father used it all for good.  Time and again I have seen him take the most devastating experiences and turn them into the biggest blessings to come into my life.  I can honestly say I would not change a thing.  I am how I am today because of the Love of my Father and the man he sent to love me. 

The back story I have shared was truly to make a point.  The effects of the shame that colored my early years followed by the cold selfishness of my young adult life did not vanish when I learned to give and accept love.  There were many damaging beliefs I held about myself I needed to face, examine and discard as lies.  Beliefs I would never have thought to question if not for the excellent aid of a qualified counselor.  Facing myself, owning my past and accepting the best and worst of me was one of the most painful processes in this healing journey. 

A valued counselor once explained it this way: “Once the damage is done there are no pain free options to real healing.”   After a body part or the emotional life has been broken any true healing will include some pain.  To ignore the injury, never touch or deal with it, will mean a lifetime of disability and sadness.  The only way to truly be whole again is to work through the pain.

There have been several Herbal Supports I have used over the years to support the process of healing. 

Using Cayenne and Lobelia during counseling or when journaling:

Cayenne: Use 1 tsp in juice at beginning of the session to open up.  Cayenne works on the emotional life as it does on the physical body; it enhances the ability to let the emotional issues bubble up and process.  I found when using Cayenne at the start of any counseling session the process dealing with myself flowed much better.  

Lobelia: at the end of the session ½ tsp. Lobelia added directly into the mouth followed with a swallow of juice or water will allow the emotions to settle.  When using Lobelia at the end of my counseling I was able to rest for ten minutes then freely go about the rest of my day.  All the emotional issues had settled and were processing on the unconscious level where the work of healing is truly done.

NF Formula: This is an excellent aid for emotional stress. It can be used as needed in times of emotional stress or trauma.  I’ve seen this formula stop a panic attack in seconds, just ended the drama.  Calmness washes over the mind and heart as the nerves are nourished and soothed.

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