Reflections on 1 Corinthians 11:11
“Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.” (1 Corinthians 11:11, NIV)
Reading this verse across the translations, one phrase keeps showing up: in the Lord. The NEB says it beautifully: “in Christ’s fellowship woman is as essential to man as man to woman.” The Living Bible puts it simply: in God’s plan, men and women need each other. The Remedy carries it further. In God’s design, and in unity with Him, husband and wife are united in an intimate bond of love and trust.
One version did not sit right with me. Phillips says that in the sight of the Lord neither man nor woman has any separate existence. But Paul is not erasing the two people. The whole beauty of the verse is that two distinct persons, made differently, complete one another.
Made to complete each other
This is the perfection in the truth that “the two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). We are different in how our bodies were made, in how our minds process information, and in how we relate emotionally to life. There is a balance we give to each other. Two working, happy, healthy minds become more together than either could be without the other.
When you are looking for your “other half” for life, it is not the heat of the moment that makes the union last. It is not the draw to a pleasing look or body type. What makes a good fit for a lifetime is a mate who fills in where you lack. Your weaknesses are his strengths, and his weaknesses are yours. The rest comes over time as respect grows.
Women are drawn in by care for the heart. Men notice the view first; that is simply how they are made. But often what catches a man’s eye is the inner light of a beautiful soul shining through to the outside. If nothing catches his eye, he will never look deeper. A man who walks with Christ, though, doesn’t stop at the view. He comes to find the mind and soul even more attractive. A man without Christ is only seeking something to own for his pleasure, with no regard for the heart and mind of the woman.
It takes three
To truly become one takes a third party: Christ. Without His life in us, healing the sin-sick condition we were born with, a true union is impossible. The life of Christ in us is the glue that joins two into one. It makes the one they become more than either could ever be alone. As Solomon said, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
This is the natural law of relationships, the true Law of Love in marriage. The husband has Christ as his head, the wife has her husband, and Christ has the Father as His head (1 Corinthians 11:3). That is the order God designed for a happy life.
Don’t settle halfway up the mountain
No matter how healthy we are, emotionally, mentally, or physically, alone we are only half of what we could be. But to marry poorly is to doom yourself to a mediocre existence. Even with Christ in your life, trying to fit together two halves that don’t complement each other leads to an unremarkable union, one that brings second-rate gifts to the cause of Christ. He will still lead us onward and upward. But the journey is so much richer when the one we travel with is our true soulmate, able to share and complete us well, and we them.
Who you join your life to is one of the most important questions you will ever answer. So spend more time with the Lord. Take the time to really get to know the person you’re with. Discover their heart, and let the inner beauty of their soul dazzle you with the invitation to spend a lifetime exploring its depths. That is the work of a lifetime, and a joy to do. And be that someone for them too: open, honest, and free to become more.
Become whole first
This is the life Christ is calling you to. But don’t sit around waiting for the prince of your dreams to suddenly appear. Work now to make your life as strong and whole as it can be without your completing other half before— Before what? That is for you and the Lord to decide. Without putting in your time with Christ, you will never become the person who fits the full life He has for you, with the other half who fits you perfectly.
Walking the road together
Paul’s “in the Lord” reaches past marriage, too. In Christ’s fellowship we were never meant to walk alone. He gives us friends who walk the road beside us, and He Himself is the Friend who never leaves.
Every true union begins with our friendship with Him.
