After achieving a major goal in my life people are constantly asking, “What did I do?” or “How did I do it?” My first reaction is to give a detailed description of what I’ve been doing. I have come to realize most are wanting to know the answer to the question “Why did I do it” What was the driving force that kept me moving forward through the long months, sticking to my goal until I am now able to view the results of the new me in my mirror.
As of the 1st of January, I’ve lost a total of 221 lbs. The changes to my life are huge. Daily chores are a joy. I’ve always been a bit of a neat-freak but was unable to physically do what my mind would want. My body gave out long before my daily chores were completed. I feel like I’m 22 years again, getting up early and moving through the house and office all day doing all the little things I had to let go for so many years. Life is a joy again.
Why did I stick to my goal, why am I still working to complete the last of this journey? The simplest answer is: Because it is making me happy. I love seeing the pride in my husbands eyes and hearing it in his voice when he speaks of my progress. We have shared the dreams I have, things we both are hoping to do now that I’m no longer handicapped by my weight. The driving reason I started this journey was because it was finally time. The past no longer has any hold over my life. I’m no longer the little girl forced to submit to the cruel, selfish, adults who should have been my protectors. People, who I now understand, were emotionally broken. It has taken many long years to get it all in prospective and let it all go. None of it was my fault, I was a child. The actions of my middle years were a consequence of the early abuse. Acting out of the pain I had yet to understand.
The more years I live the more I understand about myself and the adults who decided to take advantage of an innocent child for their own selfish pleasure. Life is all about choices, no matter what was done to me I can still choose my reaction. That choice, the choice to react is always mine. When I decided to forgive, others and myself, I earned the freedom to move on. The ability to choose to do good for myself. The inner strength to daily decide to do whatever is necessary to let the emotional padding covering my body go. The strength to stand up and live my life is now within me.
The dark winter season of my life is now over. The Spring is blooming with such beauty, all the dreams and longings of the girl I was are now before me.